Miss Nash


(FEMALE) MEMBERS ONLY

After having a rather heated conversation with an acquaintance of mine who works at Dunhill, it struck me that there was something of vital importance missing in the world…

Prior to our meeting, I had gone onto the company website and discovered something much more delightful than a few exquisite-yet-shockingly-expensive cigarette cases – The Dunhill Homes. Three rather special buildings have been lovingly restored and refurbished: one in London, another in Shanghai, and a third in Tokyo. The Homes aren’t just emporiums of all things menswear, motoring and modernity – they are exclusive clubs that men can retire to; retreating from the stresses and strains of demanding jobs, claustrophobic commuter traffic, and (most likely) tiresome wives and girlfriends.

By way of emphasising the last point; on the first webpage of the ‘Homes’ section there is an introductory sentence that immediately alienates the female browser: ‘Committed to advancing the pursuit of male indulgence.’ It is never explicitly stated that women are forbidden from entering the premises; but any such behaviour is subtly discouraged throughout the descriptions of each of the Homes. Clearly, women simply don’t feature in the Dunhill world. But, rather than feeling alienated or put off by these male institutions, I found it very satisfying to discover that these wonderful places even existed – and it implied that there were men worthy of enjoying them.

What really struck me in the wake of this discovery was that women don’t seem to have anything remotely comparable to these Dunhill male oases. Off the top of my head, I could not think of a single luxury womenswear brand that catered to their core customers in such a distinct and confident way. They all miss the mark by a long shot.

I mean, Donna Karan is a high-end womenswear label that stands for elegance, practicality, intuition and empowerment; her clothing freed women from restrictive dress and took them into the work place with confidence and self assurance – but where is the celebration beyond that? Didn’t we ‘make the grade’ in terms of achievement to warrant the creation of a DK Club? Did Donna feel like she put it all out there, gave us everything we needed to succeed, but then was so disappointed with the results that she thought it unnecessary to provide us with such a club?! I seriously hope not. Even if the women buying her clothes didn’t cut it – didn’t she crave a few beautiful rooms to retire to in the company of a few of her equally successful peers? Maybe to discuss supplier/manufacturer issues; customer’s changing attitudes; the promising growth of the Asian market; ethical business practices, etc, etc? I guess not.

There are, infact, some women-only clubs that exist today. For example, The Core Club, The Colony Club and the most famous federation of all-women clubs being the GFWC. But even this last one ended up changing it’s initial purpose as a place for women to meet, self-educate and develop, to putting an emphasis on community service and improvement. It’s like Jane Cunningham Croly (founder of the GFWC,) started out with all of the best intentions, but then her aims and ideas became diluted and turned into yet another charity project. There’s nothing wrong with setting up foundations or charities to give back to the community or to help those less fortunate, (all of the leading female-owned/run fashion brands that I looked into were either actively involved with several charities or ran their own foundation of sorts,) but don’t women also need a place to get together just for themselves? Do we naturally always fall back into care-giving roles? There are a few clubs that exists, and are near perfect parallels to that of the Dunhill Homes; the Alexandra Club in Melbourne, Australia, for one. This was a club set up by women for women in 1903, and it’s aim was to be a social, non-political club that its 800-or-so members could treat as a second home; offering rooms in which to dine, stay, rest and entertain. It has stayed true to these intentions and is still catering to its valued members today. That must have been an incredibly radical undertaking in the early1900′s when women were still very much bound to kitchen counters, cots and prams.

Another more recent example is the Belizean Grove club in New York City, founded in 2001. It’s members are all women who are accomplished leaders in a wide range of fields, and are described by the club as being ‘dedicated to giving back to their communities, have a sense of humor and excitement about life and are willing to mentor and share connections.’

On the edge of 2010, women are independent, educated, infiltrating places of work at every level, and hold top positions of authority in every industry. But don’t we want to get together to celebrate our achievements? I like to think that we do. I can think of a number of high profile women that would find the concept of an all-female version of a Dunhill Home very appealing and appropriate – Ms. Karan, (of course,) Vivienne Westwood, Lady Gaga, Shami Chakrabati, Margaret Thatcher, Michelle Obama, Angela Ahrendts, Barbra Streisand, Liz Beshel. Even though they may have very different lifestyles and professions, these women are not worlds apart from each other in terms of their drive, ambition and intellect. If you got all of them together in one room, put some liquor on ice and had a lock-in, who the hell knows what they could achieve!? A signed, sealed and delivered Kyoto Treaty? A more sustainable, seasonal fashion cycle? Infallible Financial Regulations? The possibilities are endless.



HALLOWEEN, CHEAP AND CHIC

After reviewing last week’s post, I realised that I may have alienated those of you who do not have a couture-friendly budget with which to purchase your Halloween costumes.  I have therefore come up with several solutions for you, based on the more traditional Halloween costume ideas, whilst still drawing inspiration from current fashion trends. These are all looks that you will be able to pull together from items and products that you may already have at home, or that can be purchased easily and cheaply – for under a fiver in most cases. Every look is based on a current trend from the catwalks so you can still walk out in style, knowing that your fashionable peers will instantly recognise the sartorial splendour of your costume.

I hope that the 99.999999recurring% of you that do not shop the catwalks or designer RTW collections to attend fancy dress parties will enjoy dressing up and celebrating the holiday this Saturday evening in a few of the following…!



INVISIBLE MAN

Your browser may not support display of this image.Trend: Extreme Knits

- Accept all Halloween party invitations.
- Turn off your phone.
- Do not reply to emails or facebook messages.
- Don’t turn up to any of the parties.
- Stay in with a bowl of candycorn and season 100,205 of ‘Lost’ on DVD.
- Make sure at least one person at the party(ies) pretends to talk to ‘you’ every once in a while and keeps refilling ‘your’ drink and plate of hors d’oeuvres.


MUMMY

Trend: Body-con/Bandage dresses

- Get some loo roll. You should already have some, but for those of you who don’t, the cheapest that I could find on the high street comes from Tesco (Value Toilet Tissue in a 12roll pack, £1.26 – 10.5p a roll) or you could just borrow a roll or two from your college facilities/place of work…
- Wrap it around yourself liberally until your whole body & head are completely covered.
- Take one or two rolls out with you. You never know when or what they might come in handy for.
- Take an umbrella out with you as well. (This costume is not waterproof.)


WEREWOLF

Trend: Fur

You have two options for this.

EITHER- Jacob-in-The-Twilight-Saga style Werewolf:

- Work out constantly between now and Saturday night.

- Wear nasty sweats/ripped jeans and nothing else.

OR- Traditional Werewolf:

- Don’t shave between now and Saturday,

- Take a trip to your local hairdresser to relieve them of their spare hair off-cuttings.

- Use double sided sticky tape/honey to cover yourself in the hair, not forgetting the backs of your hands.



VAMPIRE

Trend: Gothic Vamp

- Wear normal clothes. (Vampires walk amongst us. They have to blend in at all times.)

- Don’t sleep between now and Saturday evening. (Vampires don’t sleep. They are the living dead.)

- Don’t eat or drink anything whilst at the party. (Vampires don’t eat normal food.)

- Act really moody at all times. There will be no effort required here – you’ll already be tired and hungry to start with. (Vampires are moody because they are living through an eternity of constant self-reflection and can’t even enjoy the occasional drink/donut to help ease the pain.)

-  Squirt ketchup around your mouth and down the front of your clothes so it looks like you’ve just come from a productive feed/hunting trip.



CAT

Trend: Black is the new Black

- Get a black marker pen and draw whiskers above your eyebrows and around your mouth, out towards your cheekbones. Also draw in a little nose.

- Stuff one leg of a pair of black tights with dark socks, and fasten with a safety pin to the back lower hip area of an all black outfit.

- Grow your nails and toe nails between now and Saturday so you’ll have some nasty-looking claws to scratch your hosts’ furniture with.

- Drink only milk or Baileys-disguised-with-milk from a saucer throughout the evening.


GHOST

Trend: White (dominated the SS catwalks, as usual)

- Bed sheet over the head. King Size if possible.

- Cut holes out for eyes.

- Cover eyes and eye area with talcum powder, as well as any other exposed areas such as hands, (these will inevitably be exposed at certain times – Even ghosts like be polite and at least pretend to have a drink from their good host at a party.)



GREEK/ROMAN

Your browser may not support display of this image.Trend: One Shoulder/Drapery

- Bed sheet again, (see first point from ‘GHOST’ costume instructions).

- Drape sheet liberally around body, swinging the majority of the fabric over one shoulder.

- Wear any gold jewellery that you own – fake or real, no matter.

- Find some small branches or leaves in your local park/garden/street-side tree and place around head to make a laurel.



CELEBRITY

Your browser may not support display of this image.Trend: Celebrity (no)Style

This idea can be used as a base for the following costumes: Lady GaGa, Paris Hilton, Donatella Versace, Christina Aguilera, et cetera.

- Increase your normal fake tan application by 10 times. So, if you usually do 2 coats, do 20. If you’ve never used it, all the better. Celebrities do not know how to apply fake tan properly.

- Dress in as little clothing as possible, whilst still just covering modesty.

- Wear no underwear and get out of cars/cabs, and off of chairs/tube seats/bus seats with legs splayed wide apart.

- Have a friend take pictures of you continuously through out the night.



HALLOWEEN HAUTE COUTURE

Imagine how thrilled I was (as an American citizen and a HUGE Halloween fan,) that designers from all four fashion capitals decided to cater to those of us who take Halloween as seriously as any other festive holiday. Yey!

I always prepare myself for disappointment at the beginning of September – knowing that everyone will start obsessing over Christmas as soon as possible – therefore missing out on (arguably) THE most important night of the year. Even though we have three more months of Fall and two very important holidays yet to celebrate before tinsel, food-coma’s and ‘thoughtful’ gift-giving, the Christmas madness always creeps up and dominates all of the autumn months.

Well, not this year – not on my watch! Those of you who are all about vampires, werewolves, ghosts and candy, hold on to your heads, hats and horns – I’m about to give you a run down of the top looks from the SS10 collections; specifically chosen to inspire your All Hallow’s Eve costumes!

Apart from on the evening of the 31st October, these outfits would definitely end up on the worst-dressed lists of any self-respecting fashion/gossip magazine. But for one night only ladies and gents, these looks can only be considered as nothing but: Halloween Haute Couture!

Giles Spring 2010 Ready-to-Wear

“Down came the rain and washed the itsy-bitsy spider’s blue-rinse out….!” Man, that’s too bad. But, you can go and buy yourself a better wig to wear with this scary-hairy Giles ensemble.

John Galliano Spring 2010 Ready-to-Wear

Granny’s scratch card habit finally paid off when she won the jack-pot on the euro millions lottery draw, and went on a shopping spree in Paris.

John Galliano had a case of mild dimentia and provided us with this thrown-together-in-the-dark Scary pensioner’s ensemble.

Tao Spring 2010 Ready-to-Wear

Ooooooo – Blue Steel!

Derelicte-Chic makes a highly anticipated come-back at Tao -and the best part is, the whole outfit is recyclable!

Comme des Garçons Spring 2010 Ready-to-Wear

Too dressy for the circus and too silly for a ball.

Comme des Garcons’ muse this season was the saddest clown ever to enter the ring.

Zac Posen Spring 2010 Ready-to-Wear

Remember when air travel was glamorous? When the service was impeccable, the hostesses attractive, and your journey was almost always guaranteed to have a happy ending? Zac Posen clearly doesn’t – but his monstrous version of an airhostess for SS10 could be the perfect thing to trick-or-treat in this year!

Louis Vuitton Spring 2010 Ready-to-Wear

At Louis Vuitton, Marc Jacobs gave us ‘Raggedy Ann on crack’. Normally this look would be the definition of a bad hair day from hell, but on Halloween you’d be the envy of every upper-east side blow-dry princess whilst wearing this get-up.

House of Holland Spring 2010 Ready-to-Wear

80’s Robot whores at House of Holland. Touch me here for pleasure and good times. May I service you?
Unique Spring 2010 Ready-to-Wear

For the girls and boys who can’t be bothered to make an effort and think they are ‘too cool’ to dress-up. Thinking ‘Halloween’ and then ‘orange’ does not make for a kick-ass costume.

Especially not when you bought it from TopShop Unique. No candy for you guys.



ALL HAIL McQUEEN

mcQueen I

This creature did not come from the sea, nor from the sky. She traveled towards you from the line of the horizon.

mcQueen II

You saw her first as a pinpoint of light in the distance, then all too suddenly striding across your path in all of her hideous glory.

mcQueen III

She stays firmly on her course, rotating the world beneath with each deliberate stomp of her reptilian hooves. Whilst she appears to be so bound to the earth, her whole body seems to float up and reach to the sky above; dressed as she is in billowing silk that catches every breeze and gust – She would float in midair but for the skin & scale weights growing out from her ankles.

mcQueen IV

Her clothing tells you a visual story of the world that she comes from. Every beautiful and terrible aspect of her culture is printed onto her garment – a moving, living, animated history. Her hair is braided and knotted around her head to protect the secrets within.

mcQueen V

She does not see you, but merely senses your presence with indifference. She will forget you – you are but a flicker in her peripheral vision. A part of her passing.

mcQueen VI

She is already disappearing – back into the space between the depths of the sea and the infinite reach of the sky.

mcQueen VII